Here are other letters by registered sex
offender families:
These personal testimonials
were submitted to SOhopeful International on the condition that the authors’
identity and personal information remain confidential, that is, the only persons
to view the unredacted versions would be those authorized by the authors.
Here is our family's story. My name is _______
and we live in _____, Vermont. I sent this out to the Vermont groups but
don't know if anyone received it.
Three years ago, my son was a very naive
18-year-old, who fell in love with a street-wise 14 year-old girl, who actually
pressured him to have sex. He is now, however, a convicted felon, for consensual
teenage sex. He was convicted of sexual assault on a minor and sentenced to 3-8
years. (Vermont Statute 3252 (3)) He was a virgin, the girl was not. He was
incarcerated for over a month. The day before he got out of jail, another inmate
punched him in the face, leaving him with a black eye. (sex offenders are
targeted in prison, thank God he got out!)
He is now on probation and is required to
register as a sex offender for at least 10 years. He must complete the state's
sex offender treatment program, which consists of aversion therapy, if asked he
must submit to a penile plethysmograph to moniter sexual stimulation, he must
admit to "deviant thought and fantasies", even if he has none. He attends these
"classes" with much older men that have raped and in some cases violently raped
women and children.
Any violation of his many stringent conditions of
probation will result in his incarceration, to serve his full sentence.
Our system is grossly unfair, as it punishes
teenagers in the same age group, the same way it would punish men 10 or 20 years
older. Teenagers are together at school, share common interests, attend the same
social functions; it is only reasonable to conclude that relationships will
develop.
Since this nightmare began, I have met two others
that have been victimized by this law. One, just 16-years-old. The other was 19,
his girlfriend was 15 at the time. He is now incarcerated and is serving 3-10
years.
With just a few over-zealous prosecutors, our
jails will be filled with teenage boys, where instead of learning how to become
productive members of society, they will learn of life from hardened criminals.
I believe people need to know that this could
happen to their families.
NAME WITHHELD UPON REQUEST
Dear Representatives of the People:
As citizens of a Democratic society, we all expect our inalienable rights to be
honored. My parents taught me if we educate ourselves, work hard and treat
others as we wish to be treated, we can accomplish anything. Unfortunately, this
is no longer the case for certain individuals.
I grew up believing this country was the best in the world; that our justice
system set an example for other nations. For the past 15 years, I've worked as a
compassionate caregiver, an RN, with the desire to give back to the country I
dearly love. I set my sights to make a difference. Yet, over the past 4 years, I
have become extremely disillusioned about our so called democracy.
I am the wife of a non-violent sex-offender and we have two loving children. We
are one of the 35 thousand sex offender families living in Florida. Because we
are guilty by association, our civil liberties have been systematically
desecrated. As a family, we no longer have rights to privacy and my children’s
pursuit of happiness has been stripped away. This is unbelievable!
This summer, as we enter another hurricane season in Florida, I will help the
needy, as I always have. Yet, despite my unconditional giving to society, they
have a right to invade my privacy and ruin my children's expectation of
childhood happiness. For the past 2 1/2 years, until their father, whom they
love dearly, was re-united with us, we sang "The Sun will Come Out Tomorrow,"
and held onto the faith that peace and love will once again be part of our
lives. We expected to put the past behind us and begin to rebuild a future as a
family.
Unfortunately, because of Florida’s Sex Offender (SO) registry, this has not
happened. We live in the shadow of fear ever since a neighborhood parent took it
upon herself to copy information from the registry and hand it out during
dismissal time at my children's school. This had the effect of a bomb
detonating. Luckily, the Principal and school truant office stopped her,
but not before the ripple effect of hysteria touched our entire community.
My nine year old son, who had play dates every day, no longer has one child to
play with. Was this the goal of the legislators? This mother, who I don't even
know (if she knew us enough to pass judgment, she would have faith that we are a
decent family), has continued to pursue us and we have received visits from the
Sheriffs office twice, the Division of Family service twice and most recently,
she had an article posted in our community newsletter about the presence of my
husband in the neighborhood. How can one woman have the right to cause my family
so much harm?
How is it that our legislators, empowered with the duty to
uphold the rights of all citizens, can cause harm to my family and others in our
situation with such blatant disregard for our Civil Rights? Did they really
intend to give a woman like this the tools to legally trample my basic rights as
an American? My children and I have NEVER caused harm to another human being.
Why do we NOT deserve the rights of every other family, including the families
of other ex-felons (drunk drivers, burglars, drug dealers, etc.)? It is socially
unconscionable to envision the methodological persecution and loss of freedom as
once effected the American Indians, the Blacks and Jews.
Unfortunately, hysteria surrounding sex crimes are resultant from misconceptions
over inaccurate data regarding recidivism rates and success of treatment for sex
offenders. Various published state Department of Corrections (DOC) studies
compare recidivism rates for sex offenders to the rates of other crimes. Many
would be shocked at the truth that sex offenders have one of the lowest
recidivism rates. In fact, a new report from Kentucky DOC, summarized below,
show recidivism rates for treated sex offenders to be about 8%.
Contrary to popular belief, sex offenders have in fact, the
lowest recidivism rates in study after study. In addition, a little known, yet
important fact is, like my husband, 90% of sex offender crimes involve incest.
Literature states that these offenders do not stray from familial grounds. What
does this say? They are NO threat to others in the community and in most cases
do not need to appear on the registry. It is appalling to see that the most
educated country in the world has the most archaic laws grown out of
emotionalism and hysteria from a few sad incidents. These laws do not reflect
the true statistics. It is no wonder people are afraid; they do not have the
facts.
If they knew the truth, would my neighbors be afraid of my husband? Would they
fear the man who committed a non-violent act, sought help as an abused victim
himself, readily confessed to what he did, demonstrated extreme remorse and was
incarcerated for 2 1/2 years away from his own children and continued to receive
counseling and is considered no risk to re-offend? Yet his picture and my
address are in the Florida Sex offender registry.
Unfortunately, as a result of misconceptions prompting the
registry, my children, ages 9 and 12, were forced to choose between living with
the father whom they love and need or being lepers of society. We proudly chose
to stick together as a family and fight this unjust insanity.
In theory, the SO registry is designed to do a good thing. However, in reality,
logic speaks to the reasonable man, that if a Predator wants to abduct a child,
he will accomplish this; at the local mall or even from a playground the next
town over. Having his address, unless he has 24 hour surveillance, helps no one.
Not one study has proven the efficacy of the sex offender registry in saving the
lives of children. It merely serves as a basis for a false sense of security and
serves to stretch thin already short staffed law enforcement personnel. A better
utilization of these scarce resources may be to identify those truly at risk and
concentrate on monitoring them. In my county there are 8 Deputy Sheriffs on a
special task force to monitor 800 sex offenders, of which 35 are Predators!! It
is quite ludicrous to expect these 8 officers to monitor 800 persons
effectively, when they would be best served monitoring the 35 Predators instead.
Yet these same Sheriffs have come to my house twice at the request of this
lunatic woman who can’t believe that a sex offender lives in her neighborhood.
Instead of focusing fear on non-violent sex offenders, our community should fear
the perpetrators of gang warfare, drug crimes, drunk drivers, and other felons
who maim or kill one hundred thousand children a year. The public should insist
upon these persons appearing on a registry, rather than persons like my husband
- the gentle, loving and devoted father of my children who wishes nothing more
than to give his children the chance to grow up with their Civil Rights intact.
As parents, we are ALL responsible for protecting our children. Yet, this should
not be done at the expense of the children and families of the 550,000
registered sex offenders across the US. This punitive legislation only incites
vigilantism and hardship and jeopardizes happiness of the innocent children in
direct opposition to the promise our Constitution cries to uphold.
Childhood sexual abuse has become an epidemic of unimagined proportions and our
current laws are ineffective in stemming the perpetuation of these crimes. In
order to save our families of incest from the "death sentence" it forces, it may
be prudent to promote proactive measures to solve these problems. Restorative
justice and interventional, preventative counseling such as used for the drug
offenders, and anger addicts makes more sense than incarceration for nonviolent
offenders seeking help.
Terminally tearing a family apart with incarceration should be
the last sanction for those asking for help and wanting to work together with
their families and heal through understanding, forgiveness and love. We need to
find solutions to break the cycle!!
Please understand that I am not alone. I belong to a group of sex offender
families across the country that faces the same challenges. They each fight
their own battle, with the common goal to protect children. We, together,
propose clear, precise community notification based upon accurate recidivism
rates and level of threat. If the above cannot be accomplished, we request
legislators to answer the question as to why all other crimes, with proven
higher recidivism rates, and greater potential to harm children, are not listed
on their own registry. I cannot imagine myself or my children continuing to live
under the shadow of the sex offender stigma. Let our country stand up and fight
for the safety and civil rights of all children by enacting well informed and
proactive legislation. We can provide a safer society for our children and
protect their Civil Rights at the same time!
I entrust in you to question the social consciousness of these legislative acts
and have faith in your tenacity to do the right thing. Please think out of the
box to see a proactive stance on these issues as the only way to approach this
American crisis. This alone will allow my children to develop the idealism I
once had for this country. My children are gifted, honor students who have a
bright future and a lot to offer this society. Please give them the freedom of
each and every other person and allow them to pursue their own American dream
with their Civil Rights intact. Remove non-violent low risk sex offenders from
the registry. The State of New Jersey has an excellent example of a well
reasoned proactive approach to sex offender registries.
I thank you for your time and attention. Please act soon.
Brevard County, FL
NAME WITHHELD UPON REQUEST
Here is our family story. Two years ago, on a Saturday
afternoon, July 27, 2002, my 5 yr old daughter came up to me while I was
gardening in the front yard. I had just arrived back home with some flowers and
was anxious to get them planted. She said her brother put his ____in her ____. I
felt the world turn literally upside down for me at that moment and immediately
went in, shaking, numb, ready to pass out, to my husband who was sleeping
upstairs. I told him what she'd told me and he, startled, went immediately and
found my son and questioned him.
My son was 12 at the time, almost 13. As you know, we were DEVASTATED. I scoured
the internet all weekend, grieving, knowing that if I got therapy for all of us,
the therapist would HAVE to BY LAW, report the incident to the local police
dept. (in this case, the county sheriff's dept.). I had a very close friend at
the time, who had raised 2 boys into their 20's and I called her, all the while
knowing her husband was a law enforcement officer.
Little did I know, that her husband would eavesdrop on our conversation that
weekend, because, of all things, he suspected her of having an affair behind his
back.
Two days later, on that fateful Monday morning, I received a call from a frantic
and sobbing girlfriend, who couldn't speak, who could only sob. Then her law
enforcement husband got on the phone and threatened me to call and turn my son
in or he'd have an officer come by. I was in hysterics, begging, begging, him
not to do what he was doing.
As a matter of fact, I had already called a therapist I'd met with months before
for myself for some job-related anxiety issues, and she gave met the name of a
therapist who could deal with sexual assault. I already knew, from the
information all over the internet, that my son had to be turned in to
authorities due to the differences in age, the non-consent and because (in my
own mind) the disgusting and unnatural act of incest.
The friend's husband wouldn't let me off the phone until I promised I'd call the
sheriff's dept and turn in my son. After hysterically calling my husband, and
then receiving the call from the therapist I'd paged, I called our county's
social services dept. and told them what had happened. They calmed my fears that
the police wouldn't show up on my doorstep and cart my 12-yr. old son away in
shackles to some cell to be molested himself. In fact, the Director of Social
Services for the county assured me that if ANY officer came to our door, we were
to call her.
However, at midnight or a few minutes after on that same fateful
day, 7/30/02, an officer banged on the door to our house, and when we let him in
and he was INSISTENT that we fill out the report at that moment. He checked our
general vicinity of our house as if we were common criminals or harbouring a
notorious murderer. He was rude, insistent, and when we said he should call the
Dir. of Soc. Svcs., he did, to the Director's shock and her anger - at the
officer. Apparently, Soc. Svc. and the Sheriff's Dept. were not on the same page
as far as these types of occurrences.
My son confessed three days later, to several incidences with my daughter, even
though he could look us in the eye and LIE completely, calmly, efficiently. We
were shattered, but were assured that hardly no one who committed this type of
offense was ever going to admit to it unless under extreme pressure. That
pressure was the county sheriff's dept. detective who interviewed our son and
finally got the truth out of him.
To make a long story short, we had our daughter, our son, ourselves, in therapy,
as quickly as we could, which was 2-3 weeks later. We provided safety plans,
offered our house open to any inspection for Soc. Svcs. to check to see if we
were adhering to all Safety Plans to keep the two children separated. We jumped
through IMMEDIATE hoops and because of it, our son was even allowed to stay in
the home - the same home of his sister - whom he'd offended. We were told we
were very fortunate and it was very rare to have that happen. It was our quick
action to report the incident and FOLLOW THE LAW in reporting the incident to
authorities.
It's been 2 years now - I know, I know, only a drop in the bucket for so many of
you out there who have undergone so many years of persecution, I can't imagine
how you are going on....... But for us in that 2 yrs, fortunately, our 7 yr old
completed her sex assault victim's therapy in a little less than 1 yr, and our
son is in "aftercare", which occcurs just after successful termination from
group therapy. We are the fortunate ones. We only spent about $15,000 in this
whole ordeal with $6,000 lawyer's fees that did is NO GOOD - we did more
research and did more good for our son than that LEECH of a lawyer ever did.
That didn't could restitution, therapy fees for our son, therapy for us as a
family, PAXIL for me, as the mom, to keep my composure and sanity, and a loss of
income of about $18,000 due to my having to go part time to cart kids to
therapists, court dates, pick the son up from school
due to him being unable to be left alone without an UNKNOWN SUPERVISOR (You
know, a known supervisor, is someone who knows exactly what the sex offender has
done).
that's not the end of it. Though he was immature at 12 sexually,
and he did these heinous acts, he is still held to accountability. We were very,
very lucky, because, when the CENTRAL SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY came knocking at our
door like the Grimm Reaper, we were able, by our "quick action and quick
reporting to authorities" able to get our son taken off the Central Registry at
20 - one of the most generous acts taken by our imperial state atty genl,
according to his representation at our hearing.
You know what sex offender registries do more than we do at this time with a 14
yr old. We are just beginning to understand that our son will have to register
as a sex offender for the 2 yrs he's in college. And you know the results of
having to register - the persecution, the quiet, suffocating shame and fear of
being discovered, let alone being retaliated against if discovered. AND THIS IS
ALL AFTER MY SON IS OUT OF PROBATION!!!!! HE WOULD'VE SERVED HIS PUNISHMENT AND
SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETED HIS GRUELLY THERAPY!!!!!!! So definitely are his civil
rights gone, that I am ready to fight for this horrible, horrible wrong.
Already, by age 14, my son has been denied the ability to stay in his original
school (a private, Christian school), when this happened. He's been shunned by
the high school he SO wanted to attend (even though his straight A grades, his
exemplary behavior vouched for by the principal of his middle school as WELL AS
HIS SEX THERAPIST!!!!! Yes, we received a very flippant call from the principal
of the high school my son
so wanted to attend. The principal's only words were "MY COUNSEL had to get back
to me and we've decided YOUR SON WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED AT OUR SCHOOL THIS YEAR"
As you know, those words, tore through a mother's heart. I asked, just for my
son's sake, "so what if he should want to attend next yr and he's off
Probation?" The response by the Principal was "Well... if he's doing
better....then maybe..." I blasted back, "he's already doing better!" He's never
reoffended, he's never been in any trouble since the first offenses!" I also
admitted that he has his own position to attend to, but that "I'd see if my son
even wanted to have anything to do with his high school next year anyway." I
know I was burning bridges, but for my son's sake, I had to make my point sting.
You know the discrimination....it's all too familiar.... and I'm humbled telling
you my short story, knowing there are so many of you out there who have paid
your time for so much longer, in therapy, mending your families, your hearts,
shaming yourselves over and over and over again, and still, it's not good enough
for the POWERS that hold the key to your/our freedom.
Understand here, that while I don't think I was ever a direct victim of sexual
abuse, I was raised with a mother who was - by her brother, and my sister, who
was either abused, or witnessed a cousin's sexual abuse at a very young age. I
am not new to this type of offense and shame. And yet, as I tried to do the
"right thing" in the case of my son and my daughter, I feel our family has been
treated like less than 2nd class citizens, my son rejected - even though we have
in writing, his very own therapist, his middle school asst. principal and his
middle school counselor - vouching that he's not a threat or a danger and is
actually an assett to any school he attends due to his strength of character. My
plan, is to get this PERSECUTION AND WITCH HUNT OUT IN THE OPEN for all to see.
We didn't have a lot of $ to begin with, and of course, that leech of a lawyer,
didn't help.
I find it sick and hypocritical to find that Colorado University's Football Team
(I was a Cross Country runner for CU in 19__and I know how their athletics
dept. likes to intimidate women, being one myself threatened by Eddie Crowder),
gets off "rape charge free, and our _____ Force Academy male cadets get off for
confessing the truth, but the rest of us "GRUNTS" have to go the regular route,
even though we confessed the truth. Our lives, or our sons or spouses lives
ruined forever - with no lofty, state or higher politician any the wiser to our
plight, because it's so shameful, embarrassing and stigmatizing, they know many
of us won't come forward to make any big noises about it.
It's almost as if all of us in this case, our extorting ourselves! I can speak
for one family - ours, who is terrified at lobbying too aggressively due to the
chance our names might be released into the public and our uninformed loved ones
might find out.
If we come forward publicly, we expose the identity of our loved one who
committed the act of sexual offense. However, if we don't voice our outrage at
their persecution, it will never stop!!!! I am so concerned there will be more
young men/women sex offenders who will kill themselves out of despair that
humankind will NEVER, EVER accept them back into the fold!!!!!! My son happens
to be the namesake of his grandfather, who is a pillar of his
community. IT FIGURES!!!!!! Perhaps it serves a purpose here to say, "folks, you
don't know what your kids are going to do later in life, so DON'T name them
after anyone you don't want to disappoint."
I wanted to add the most important part to why we need to right
this terrible wrong done to people trying to get help.
The reason is that if authorities make this type of offense so difficult to get
out from under, then eventually, no one is going to turn in their son, husband,
brother, etc., for fear of that person being persecuted until death. This works
AGAINST Megan's Law, the laws that protect innocent people from sex abuse.
NAME WITHHELD
We live in ______rado. Our son, age 15, had to register due to
his inappropriate contact with his sister. At the time, he was 12 and she was 5.
We, his parents, turned him in immediately once our daughter told us. We got
everyone in therapy, and in 2 1/2 years, we were a healthier, closer family and
our son had accepted full responsibility and graduated in record time from one
of the strictest sex offender therapy programs in Colorado. He passed his
polygraphs, and was deemed by his therapist as a "low risk" for re-offending,
and a low risk to the community. Both his former middle school assistant
principal and his school counselor were very supportive and vouched that our son
was an exemplary student and was a low risk to offend out in the community. We
still keep our daughter and son separate - never to be alone together, and we
communicate in our family better than ever before.
Just this past December 14, 2004, the deferred adjudication he
was given was successfully dismissed with prejudice, his plea of guilty was
withdrawn, and we were free to petition to have his name removed from the
registry. You would think that would be the end of our terrible experience - but
no!
As the mom, I lived under the shame and fear of that list for
the full 2 1/2 years, wondering who could get access to my son's name, a
juvenile, and who would point the finger at us. Through some fluke, when we went
to re-register him for the year, it turned out he had never officially been put
on the list, which turned out to be the fault of the probation dept. He
officially made it on the list Oct. 25, 2004, and by the last week in Dec. 04,
barely a few days after Christmas, we had our first act of what I consider
harassment and vigilantism. I wonder how much more hell we would have endured
had our son been on the list from Dec. 02, which we believed to be when he was
registered?
We returned from our Christmas '04 vacation out of town only
to be confronted by a neighbor who informed me that a woman banged on her door,
shoved some papers in her face, and asked "did you know you live near a sex
offender?" My neighbor was dumbfounded and said "no." The woman continued, "Do
you know _____?" My neighbor replied "Yes, and he's a wonderful young man."
The neighbor told me the woman said she was trying to buy a
house up the street and she got the list. When the neighbor didn't react the way
the woman expected, the woman got flustered and left, leaving my neighbor
understandably shocked and scared. Luckily, I had confided a little bit to that
neighbor a year earlier, not the total truth but a little bit about our "family
crisis" we were going through and that it involved our son.
I was literally panic-stricken. Here we were, three weeks
after our son's total dismissal and successful treatment, and we were being
singled out and being pointed at. I was embarrassed and terrified the whole
neighborhood had been informed by this woman with the list. I couldn't believe
our son's name, as a juvenile, could be so accessible. And I couldn't believe
how easy it was for this woman to abuse the list, and get away with it with no
recourse.
The next Monday, Jan. 10, I called the _____ Sheriff's Dept.
and reported that this had happened. I also called the Colorado Bureau of
Investigation to let them know. The CBI was much more apologetic and
understanding, and said they don't post juveniles on their internet site. But
the most hurtful, arrogant reaction came from Officer Paul Rogers of Douglas
County's Sheriff's Dept. His only response was a curt "well he's on the list,
isn't he?"
Jan. 14, I submitted all the paperwork to petition to have our
son removed from the registry. A few weeks later, the DA answered us back,
objecting to his removal. We had to get a lawyer to assure we could get an end
to a growing nightmare.
March 17, St. Patrick's Day, the _____ County Sheriff's Dept.
held an "informational meeting" about a sexually violent predator moving into
Highlands Ranch. I forced myself to go, knowing I might be panicking myself more
about our situation. It was everything I feared it would be - an absolute circus
that the Sheriff's Dept. could not control. People were given free information
about the SVP, and were told not to retaliate, then the audience of probably
over 2,000 people were told there were sex offender lists in the lobby and they
could all get one if they each showed their ID and paid $1.
At least 1,300 people got the list that night - and I was one
of them. I read down the list and there was our son's name. I could barely drive
home. For nights afterward, I couldn't sleep for fear of retaliation against our
house, our family, our son - who had ironically been recognized at school as
"one of the students of the semester" for his exemplary attitude and efforts. I
had to enlist the help of our family therapist because of my increasing panic
attacks and fear of leaving the house. That's not the proper mental condition
for a mother to be in to raise her 2 children and operate a household. My
husband had to pick up a lot of the slack, when I was so polarized I couldn't
think what to do next due to the stress. I should mention I still had to go to
work everyday.
Our son's name was listed as if he was convicted. He was never
convicted, and we fought with our lawyer to have the list corrected, but the
______ County Sheriff's Dept. stated that since they didn't have to correct the
list, they wouldn't. What made my panic worse, was the impending Colorado House
Bill 05-1035, which would allow all police agencies in Colorado to publish sex
offenders on the internet - photos, addresses and all. While senators and
congressmen deliberated over what level of juveniles to
publish on the internet, I lie awake at night, terrified that our son's life
would be ruined as a result of their decisions. I called a couple of senators to
voice my concern, and to beg them to pass my sentiments on. They did. Still, the
bill passed, and I grieve for all the juveniles and adults on the list who did
their time, in prison and/or in therapy, and are making good on their lives, not
re-offending, only to have them and their families ostracized, treated like
lepers. It also didn't help that our local newspaper had a front page article
every week about the ongoing saga about the SVP. I had to stop watching the news
completely in order to diminish my attacks.
I was scared our daughter (the victim) would be singled out at
school, if someone's mommy happened to get the list and talk about it to her
kids. There was no way I could have any of her friends over to our house because
they might find out our son was on the list. I couldn't trust that someone
wouldn't run up to our house and yell something. It was starting to weigh
heavily on our son, who felt guilty enough for what he'd done to his sister, but
who was now beginning to wonder if any of this nightmare was going to end. He
was trying to keep up his GPA, his sports, and his keep his teenage emotions
under check, along with watching me crumble under the weight of this list.
Little did we know we'd have to endure a few more events before it did end.
Even though our son was free to go about his life, we would
not allow him to go anywhere by himself. When he wanted to go on training runs
to prepare for soccer, we wouldn't allow him to run in our neighborhood. Instead
we made him cross busy Broadway, and run in the business district roads, so that
no one could say he was around their children. We had no reason to distrust our
son, yet we were so scared of the stigma of the list, we didn't want someone
pointing or accusing him of something, simply because of who he was.
Once, I had him cross the street to check the mail (we have a
community mail box directly across the street from our house). It was
coincidentally right at the time the school bus arrived around the corner, and I
watched from the front door as a group of about 5 mothers rounded the corner,
watching our son, closing in, getting as close as about 25 yards, as he got the
mail and headed back across the street. I felt myself crossing our lawn,
approaching our son, almost fearing these women would confront him. It was a
very upsetting and angering experience, yet subtle enough so that no one could
claim they were breaking any law.
Later, I found out through the grapevine at my church, that
the list had been copied and passed around the Mommy's group (I thought copying
the list was illegal), and that as a result, one of our other neighbors had
discovered our son's name on the list. Eventually, that neighbor would come to
know the whole story behind our son's name being on the list, but it wasn't
before I felt compelled to leave the church. Not even our pastor was sympathetic
to my intense fear and shame. It's almost as if he was relieved that I was
leaving his church, even though our son goes to a different church with my
husband and his sister.
The nightmare would resurface when, in early May, our next
door neighbors put their house up for sale - not because of our son being on the
list, but because they were building a new home. They sold their home in just 1
day, for more than they asked, and they were elated and I was happy for them. A
mere 3 days before the closing on their home, they called us to tell us of the
bombshell that had just befallen them. Apparently, an anonymous call came in to
their realtor, stating that they lived next door to a sex offender. Now, they
would have to tell the potential buyers (who had 3 children - all under age 6).
My husband and I called our lawyer and asked him if it was prudent to just tell
the neighbors the complete truth, and to offer to talk to the potential buyers.
That is exactly what we did. Just a week before our hearing before the judge to
ask that our son's name be removed, here we found ourselves next door with our
neighbors, with the wife sobbing, and the husband glassy-eyed as we bared our
souls.
We almost felt like we had to come clean - fearing we could be sued by them if
they couldn't sell their home. My husband also talked to their realtor, and our
lawyer faxed a copy of our son's proof of case dismissal to both realtors as
well as talked to both. Then, we were asked by our neighbors to sit down with
them and the potential buyers and explain. We agreed, and to our surprise, they
were actually thankful that we were so honest with them, when we didn't have to
be, and when it was so painful for us to divulge the info. I thank God for the
kind and understanding neighbors we had - even in the midst of the ones that
sought to anonymously make our lives miserable.
I should also mention that even AFTER we had court order in
hand from the judge, demanding that our son's name be removed from the list, we
felt victimized once more, as Officer Paul Rogers, took the order, shoved it
over to the clerk, and said in a louder voice so the entire lobby of people
could hear, "well I guess you should take this over to Janelle to get his name
off the SEX OFFENDER LIST!"
He never looked us in the eye, never acknowledged who we were
standing there, he just yelled the order out, and swaggered away, unaffected by
his statement, leaving me and my daughter (the victim), in the lobby,
embarrassed, wondering who was looking at us.
Due to our son's strong mental attitude, our closeness and
love as a family, and our faith, we survived this experience without it breaking
us. Our son's turnaround and acceptance of his offenses was exemplary, and yet
we fell victim to the abuses above.
I email you today, for those families and sex offenders, both
juveniles and adults, who are doing all the right things, but who are buckling
under the pressure and intense stigma of being plopped indiscriminately onto a
list along with the most violent and risky of sex offenders. Until you've been
in this situation, you don't know what a suffocating, hurtful and terrifying
experience it is to live under the oppression of this list. It shackles not only
the reformed offender but their family.
Just like us, many families will not report retaliation and
vigilantism if it draws their family name more into the public eye to report the
incident. You can't measure the stresses this list causes. You can only count
the number of suicides, re-offenses, failures to re-register, etc. How many
suicides, re-offenses, failures to register may be actually be caused by the
mere stigma of living under
that list?
I'm leaving my name, address and phone, only knowing from
SOhopeful's explanation, that you will keep my info secure and private. Thank
you for the opportunity to tell our family's story.
NAME WITHHELD UPON REQUEST.
Highlands Ranch, CO
I am the wife of a "Registered Sex Offender". He offended
against our daughter on 2 occasions when she was 11 years old. This occurred in
February 2003. He was arrested May 1, 2003, and was sentenced to one year in
jail and 13 years probation on July 28, 2003. To learn that your husband has
breached your families trust is devastating. But the way we all have been
treated by the State of Wisconsin has been equally as devastating.
My husband, though he has been actuarially rated as very low risk to re offend,
now must register as a sex offender for life. But he is married, and has 4
children, so actually we all are registered for life.
Our families pain is out on the Internet for the world to see. During the
questioning phase, police officers blatantly lied to my children telling them
that their dad would not go to jail. My children now understandably have
problems with law enforcement officials, and frankly, so do I. The media has
portrayed all sex offenders as ticking time bombs, just waiting to go out and
kidnap some innocent child to brutally rape and murder them. This is absurd.
If lawmakers and media personnel had enough integrity to search out the truth,
the would find that only 4 - 13 percent of all sex offenders ever re offend
sexually. That is the lowest recidivism rate of any "violent" crime. But if you
were to ask a politician or reporter, most would say that the recidivism rate is
closer to 50%. Why? I am not sure. Could it be that inflating these numbers,
and then sounding and acting tough against these "monsters" is "good for
business"?
Only they know for sure, but it is a travesty that because of their
misinformation, deliberate or not, that my family, and many more like us, are
suffering. The same family that has all ready suffered from this horrible event
is now victimized again by those that are supposed to be protecting us. My
husband is no more threat to the general public than the president, or Tom
Brokaw, or you. But he has been permanently stamped "Undesirable and Unfit for
Society" just so Americans can "Feel Safe".
We would be so much safer if we actually started to look for ways to educate and
prevent abuse, then by throwing out absurd penalties that sound good.
NAME WITHHELD UPON REQUEST
(location not given)
I want to share my story. Megan's law doesn't keep the
predators from attacking our children. The registry is nothing more that a witch
hunt that harms families.
My son is a non-violent offender who is serving 10 yrs in TDCJ for having
consensual sex with a teenage partner. As so many stories go, the "victim" lied
about their age. Many of these "victims" possess fake id's and are in bars where
college students gather. My son was 18 and a freshman in college. The "victim"
was afraid that the family would find out about the sex and of course decided to
press charges. By the time we went to court, my son had graduated with honors
and had been accepted to 2 graduate programs. However, instead of continuing his
education, he is now an inmate serving 10 years and will be labeled for the
rest of his life.
I understand why Megan's law was enacted but we have way too many on the
registries that are in no way predators or violent people. Something needs to be
done. What about the murderers who are paroled that do not have to register?
Maybe I would like to know if a drug dealer or murderer is living in my
neighborhood. Isn't it time that we punished the "victims" for the lies that
they
tell? I thought that possessing a fake id and being in clubs underage was
against the law. But these are never punished. They are free to do these things
again and again. I am so angry with the justice system that punishes consensual
sex crimes.
Something needs to be done. My son is rotting in prison when he should be in
graduate school. What about drunk drivers that Kill? We even have a United
States Senator that was driving drunk and killed someone. Was he punished? NO!
He is still in the Senate making laws for the rest of us. If I sound bitter,
well I am. The witch hunts continue and does nothing to protect the communities
from true sexual predators. My son made one mistake and now will have to suffer
for the rest of his life.
Yes, we need to be tough on crime, but teenagers who have consensual sex don't
need to be punished. If we wanted to carry it to the highest level, then we need
to go into the school parking lots and arrest all the teenagers who are having
sex. It goes on every day. What has happened to our country? Things need to
change now and we need to look at the real criminals. Megan's law has done
nothing to prevent true predators. It is time to take a step to change this law.
Thank you for your time in reading this
NAME WITHHELD UPON REQUEST, Texas
These personal testimonials were submitted to SOhopeful
International on the condition that the authors’ identity and personal
information remain confidential, that is, the only persons to view the
unredacted versions would be those authorized by the authors.
With over 600,000 folks on sex offender registries, one
has to wonder how many other stories like these are out there. If you want
to tell your story, e-mail it to us. We will include it here.
Food for Thought!
If the sex offender registries are designed to keep children
safe, then why are children still getting molested and abused. Are the
registries not working? Are they diluted by including hundreds of
thousands of people on them that are NOT a threat to children? Or, is
something more sinister at work here, like politicians looking for election year
sound bites and the media outlets fear mongering for ratings and dollars.
Is it not time we put and end to the charade?
bravenet.com
